Pat Paulsen Quotes

Here, we’ve compiled a list of the best Pat Paulsen Quotes. The wide variety of quotes available makes it possible to find a quote to suit your needs. You’ve likely heard some of the Pat Paulsen Quotes before, but that’s because they truly are great.

The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.

Pat Paulsen

If elected, I will win.

Pat Paulsen

The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot.

Pat Paulsen

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!

Pat Paulsen

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Pat Paulsen

In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.

Pat Paulsen

We have nothing to fear but fear itself… and, of course, the boogieman.

Pat Paulsen

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

Pat Paulsen

You have to understand, I can’t do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.

Pat Paulsen

I’ve upped my standards. Now, up yours.

Pat Paulsen

People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, ‘Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?’

Pat Paulsen

Yeah, I’m running for the White House again. Well, it’s not a run, really; it’s sort of a brisk walk.

Pat Paulsen

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

Pat Paulsen

I’d learned some things. I knew you weren’t supposed to hold a good wine at the top – the paper bag falls off.

Pat Paulsen

Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?

Pat Paulsen

Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, ‘You must be joking.’

Pat Paulsen

I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn’t it?

Pat Paulsen

I will not claim I will solve all the world‘s problems by myself. If I did, I’d have to run as a Republican or a Democrat.

Pat Paulsen

As I’ve always said: The future lies ahead.

Pat Paulsen

I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.

Pat Paulsen

I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called ‘Chocolate,’ and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.

Pat Paulsen

Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home?

Pat Paulsen

A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you’re walking down a street and you spot a moose?

Pat Paulsen

I don’t need adult supervision.

Pat Paulsen

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

Pat Paulsen

If you’re old enough to be arrested, you’re old enough to carry a gun.

Pat Paulsen

I once told Tommy Smothers, ‘If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.’

Pat Paulsen

I’ve been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.